everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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