I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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