he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
