I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
