She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize