What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
