Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
