why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
