Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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