I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
