Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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