A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
