dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
