i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize