She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
