ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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