At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
