How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My cat gives me a boner
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
