someone threw a dead crab at me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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