just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
