we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize