i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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