Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that's an acceptable place to lick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
