bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
