We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
