i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
