just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize