God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
