Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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