I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
