Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize