Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
