he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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