Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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