I wish I could punch you in the face.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
