He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
