My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
