dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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