I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't notice because vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
