But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
