and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
