I met the friendliest cop last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
