The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
