Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize