Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
