I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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