I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
