is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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