What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize