UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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