on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My pussy is not your playground.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
