We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
