Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize