i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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