pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize