I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
