I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
