Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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