Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
