It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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