I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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