I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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