If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
