You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
