I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
