he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
