the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm bleeding and have questions
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
