The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
