dude i'm inner monologue high
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
