what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
