I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
40s are totally the cure
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize