i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there is glitter all over my balls
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