"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
