nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
only you would photoshop your dick
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
