Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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