1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's never too late to be topless.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
