3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
