There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
