i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
