Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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