There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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