Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
