The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
two words...techno handjob
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
