The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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