Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Vodka?
Forever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
