Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
