you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
