I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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