Where is the hickey?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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