now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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