you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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