He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
