So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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