Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
