why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
