Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
