Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
