I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
