dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
