I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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