Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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