The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
