Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So vagazzling was a success
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
