My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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