Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
